Brazilian Nuts – Not The One's You're Thinking Of!!

Today,I've got a guest post from Paul 亚博app官方下载aboutBrazilian Nuts.我不是说你必须用重型胡桃钳才能打开外壳的那种类型!!

I almost pissed my pants laughing reading this!就在这里!!

Paul is a London-based writer.He has travelled extensively across Europe,South and North America,and Israel.他还在airporthotels.com工作,which allows users to compare and book flights to get the best deals for hotels near airports.

The Brazilian Nuts Story.不是关于亚博app官方下载营养,Food or Calories!!

We've all been there.你在度假,the drinks are flowing,the beer goggles are firmly in place,you get chatting to a local,one thing leads to another,you wake up the next morning in a strange bed,发现…是个男人!!

Ok,好吧,也许我们都没去过那里。But it is precisely where I found myself during a 3 month tour of South America last year.

巴西可能是仅次于泰国的臭名昭著的“瓢虫”(变性人,使用正确的政治术语)。在萨尔瓦多,a stunning city full of African-influenced architecture and music,它们特别流行。Unfortunately,I only learnt this after the event,否则我就得提防。

下面是发生的事情:

亚当的苹果,有人吗??

I was sitting in a beautiful square in the Old Town of Pellorino,观看现场音乐,喝一杯清凉的梵天啤酒,when an attractive young thing in the usual Brazilian evening get-up of short skirt and crop-top came walking past my table.当她靠近时,她绊了一下,hurting her ankle in the process.She looked in some pain and pulled up a chair to nurse her injury.

I made a sympathetic gesture and she smiled in acknowledgment.She then enquired of my nationality with a simple,"English?""

这是我所需要的。As they used to say 亚博app官方下载about the famous old Hollywood lothario,I was In like Flynn.二十分钟的戏谑之后用鸽子英语交流,and she invited me to join her in another bar down the road.我喜欢和当地人见面,and had enjoyed much success during my South American soiree involving both romantic and platonic encounters.Thanks to my impressive track record,I didn't suspect a thing.

没有什么理由分享故事的下一部分,因为你们都有能完美完成工作的想象力。Suffice to say that during the night I spent with her in a ‘love hotel' (these are pay-by-the-hour hotels in South America that are used by ‘discreet lovers',即prostitutes and clients,cheating partners and even hormonal teenagers),‘last base' was not reached.事实上,I wasn't even allowed to venture ‘downstairs' at all.Little did I know why.

第二天早上,我们离开房间,朝着新鲜的萨尔瓦多早晨的空气走去。We jumped in a taxi with promises of being given a guided tour of the city by my new friend.但后来事情变得很奇怪。

在城市之旅之前,we needed to go to the hairdressers where I would be paying for her cut and dry.Then we'd be off to do some shopping,also,有人严厉地告诉我,以我为代价。

When I politely explained that this wouldn't be happening,the mood turned.Amid a diatribe of Portuguese I heard the word ‘police' and knew there was trouble brewing.She jumped out of the taxi and approached some kind of police street patrol.

Within seconds our car was surrounded by ‘tourist police'.我只是希望他们真的在这里帮助我,而不是与当地的麻烦制造者勾结。

幸运的是,one of the officers spoke good English.不太幸运,他要告诉我的是一个没人应亚博app官方下载该听的句子。

"这是一个男妓,你昨晚做了什么都要给他钱。”"

The world stopped for a moment as the reality of my predicament took hold.我所受的欺骗和操纵的程度令人震惊,but I was also now fearing for my liberty.我不想在巴西监狱里呆一段时间,so I complied,但免责声明:

"Sir,"I said with puppy dog eyes."你可能认为我还没长大,but I did not know this person was a prostitute,也不是男人。”"

"也许是这样,"他回答说。"但是,and so you must pay".

‘Forgive me Father,因为我犯了罪

他的反应如此流畅,我很明显,这是警方同谋的一个圈套。我知道任何移交的钱都将由“她”和这些可敬的法律和正义人士分享。

我试探性地问了多少,并被告知100巴西雷亚尔(约35英镑)。To extricate myself from this horrendous situation,这似乎是个便宜货。不超过一包Brazilian Nuts!!

咳嗽之后,I was allowed to leave.但这并不是我耻辱的终结。On returning to my hostel,I was greeted by laughter from inside.很明显,我的一个旅伴无意中听到了我和警察的边走边谈话,并友好地向旅馆的其他人汇报。

I was told that I wasn't the first person to get shafted in such a way,and I wouldn't be the last.But it was scant consolation.And no,从那以后我就再也没有碰过巴西坚果了。

More Brazilian Nut Stuff!!

Ha ha!Great post.不知何故,I don't think Paul's useful advice didn't appear in the Global Dating Revolution Guide To International Dating and Foreign Women!!


Anthony Bianco - The yabo88足彩Travel Tart

The yabo88足彩Travel Tart is an澳大利亚旅游博客作家亚博客户端下载who dribbles on 亚博app官方下载about the funny,今天世界旅行的一些古怪的方面。Travel wasn't meant to be taken too seriously!Check out his the亚博app官方下载 and social media profiles to say hi orsign up for his silly newsletter!!

5 Comments

Top Twenty Lists 8月14日,2010点:下午7点59分

The phrase ‘it's a man' got me hooked.GREAT POST 🙂

Slava8月18日,2010在晚上9点10分

Oh my God!我想你应该感谢你的幸运星他(她)?)不允许你下楼。🙂 Geez,当然不打算去巴西旅行。伟大的岗位,real fun!!

Farnoosh · August 23,2010 at 3:52 am

This is an awfully unfortunate incident for you but how can you not tell a boy from a girl?Sometimes I have doubts when the person is far away or I just get a quick glimpse but upon spending any time with them,我不认为——也许我有,但我不认为——我被一个人的性欺骗了……不管怎样,我知道这不会让你感觉更好,所以让我感谢你分享你的故事——我,与旅游馅饼,yabo88足彩did not laugh at you at all but felt pity!!!🙂

villa curacao· February 5,2011点:晚上8点27分

This really doesn't encourage me to go to Brazil,any time soon!!

Brazilian Female,not prostitute!!7月26日,2012年晚上11:41

你是白痴还是什么?笑?只有我相信这个故事的一半!!
Being approched like this… Oh yes,she was in pain… for how many seconds before bringing you to another bar?I bet you payed for ‘her' drinks before heading to a motel (not ‘love hotels' – oh God where did you go?!In what kind of places do you sleep????谁付了出租车费?是的,you didn't know ‘she' was a prostitute?!拜托!!!!And YES I believe you can't see the difference between a man and a woman or… a transsexual!!!Oh tell me again 亚博app官方下载about the random policemen you found that doesn't know that to pay for sex is a crime!!!!他是你的翻译…真是太好了!拜托,if you EVER,试过巴西坚果吗?post it… of if you're man enough… don't tell anyone 亚博app官方下载about it!!!!!

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